Of course there have been numerous life lessons I’ve learned in 50 years….I could write about SOOO many of them today. But the one that is heaviest on my heart (and has been for a very long time) is…..AGING! Aging is something I have been wrestling to embrace and I would venture to say many women (and men, but definitely women) struggle with this. Living in a world that is constantly telling you that you should NOT age and a culture that is hyper fixated on how we age and what we look like, we are conditioned to struggle with the aging process. When I look in the mirror and see deeper (and more and more) wrinkles, saggy skin, a higher number on the scale etc, etc…..sure, I have my moment of “ugh I feel (fill in the blank with a not so nice thought or comment about myself)”.

But I’m learning that this is where I need to pivot. Instead of being tempted to criticize myself, pick myself apart, say things to myself that I would never, ever say to someone else, I’m choosing to shift my perspective. CHOOSING being the key word. This doesn’t come naturally. But I am recognizing that I have the power to shift my thoughts and beliefs, however, this is a constant and continued practice. Instead of being tempted to get botox or filler or multiple other things done to my face (I’ve done some of that in the past – no shade and NEVER any judgment to anyone who chooses to do that!)…Instead of restricting and punishing myself with lack of food to try to shed a few pounds….Instead of buying the latest and greatest (and super expensive) gimmick or product that promises to be the end-all-be-all…..I’m choosing to embrace the aging process and continuing to redefine what beauty really means to me.

It really boils down to this…..I’m tired. I am tired of trying to keep up. I’m tired of the “world” telling me what I need to look like, how I need to age (or not age), and I am tired of filling doctors and companies pockets with my hard earned money instead of embracing what is naturally supposed to happen to me! This is not to say that I don’t take care of myself either or that I simply don’t care what I look like! I still take care of my skin and body and buy products and clothes that help me feel beautiful. I like and WANT to feel beautiful – that is human nature! I still try to make healthy choices when it comes to food and movement. That is all important! But I refuse to feel shame for aging or looking a certain way – a way that the world says is “not beautiful”.

I also think A LOT about what we are teaching the generations behind us. It truly breaks my heart to see women in their 20s and 30s already struggling when they start to see small lines appear on their faces and lips that they don’t think are big enough. The pressure is outrageous! It’s time to change the narrative! Beauty is SOO much more than the way we look! As our looks fade, does that mean we aren’t beautiful? I think not! To me, at 50 years old, aging is a PRIVILEGE that not everyone gets to experience! The fact that I’m alive and have a healthy body and mind is a privilege. I’m learning to look at my body and APPRECIATE what it has done for me. Is my body considered “perfect”? Of course not. Whose is? But within this body lives a young girl who survived childhood traumas, a young adult who worked her way through college, a young mom who carried and raised two amazing children. How can I be so cruel to myself and my body after looking through that lens? I’m learning and growing and loving others and experiencing life – I no longer want the way I LOOK to steal my time, focus or joy! And I want that for others, too, who might be feeling the same way!

I encourage you to dig deep into your own feelings and ideas about your own aging and “beauty”. If you are one that struggles….maybe ask yourself some questions….why am I so focused on the way I look? Who or what is influencing me? Maybe you need to consider who you are allowing to influence your thoughts on aging and beauty. Maybe your beauty is the only way you have been affirmed or that was the only compliment you received throughout your life? Maybe without your “beauty” you aren’t sure who you are? Consider how much money it is costing you to “not age” and what else you could do for yourself with that money? Are you working as hard on the inside as you are on your outward appearance? What can you do in your own life to push back at these unrealistic standards?

Recently, I was looking at pictures of myself from when I turned 40 and thinking “Dang, I looked pretty good” BUT when I was in the moment of turning 40 I can remember picking myself apart and criticizing every single detail of my face and body. When I was turning 40 and looking back on pictures of myself in my 30s, same thing. I looked at those pictures and thought I looked good and youthful and glowing but at the TIME I was picking myself apart and criticizing every detail of my face and body, yet again. So this month, when I turned 50, I used those last two decades to teach me a lesson. That lesson is to say “I look beautiful today!” And I am GRATEFUL for a life well lived. And that’s that!